im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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