New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
