I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
