Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
