I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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