false alarm. still invincible.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
