You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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