Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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