We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
