i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
