thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
