So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
handjob tips. give me some.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
