i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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