moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
