Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
