could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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