so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
