I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
