My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
