Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
