I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
