she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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