Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
