I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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