apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
