new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
