It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my being single is dangerous.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
