yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
