You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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