Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
