Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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