I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my poor anus
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
