I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
