His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
false alarm. still invincible.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
