thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
