I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
