he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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