She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
