anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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