so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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