I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
