i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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