yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
