I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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