So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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