I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
