You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
