Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
