well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
