Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
