remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
