i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
