we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
