Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
