Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
