I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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