i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
