zippers are such a cool invention
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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