mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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