she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
