one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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