I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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