He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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