Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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