When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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