Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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