I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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